open mouth, insert foot........

[bearmtnmartin]

Macdonald-Cartier International (Ottawa) Airport Ticket Agent

 

These people run the Canadian government!

 

 

 

 

An Ottawa 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of  'WHY' our country is in trouble!

 

1. I had a New Brunswick member of parliament ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.  (On an airplane!)

 

2. I got a call from a Manitoba legislature staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information,  and then he interrupted me with,  ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid,  but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..''

 

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,  ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts ,   Cape Town is in South Africa .''

His response -- click..

 

3. A senior B.C. deputy-minister called, furious about a Florida package we did.  I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando .  He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.  I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

 

He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!''  (OMG)

 

4. I got a call from a federal minister's wife who asked,  ''Is it possible to see Russia from Canada ?''

 

I said,  ''No.''

 

She said,  ''But they look so close on the map''  (OMG, again!)

 

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .  I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas ...  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said,  ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.''  (Aghhhh)

 

6. A Calgary council member called last week.  She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Calgary left at 8:30 a.m.,  and got to Vancouver at 8:33 a.m.

 

I explained that Alberta was an hour ahead of B.C. , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.  Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

 

7. A Québec MP, called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?''  I said,  'No, why do you ask?'

 

He replied,  ''Well, when I checked in with the airline,  they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT),  and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude!''

 

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing).  I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..

 

8. A Senator from Saskatchewan called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii .  After going over all the cost info, she asked,  ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

 

9. I just got off the phone with a rookie MPP from Ontario who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

 

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

 

10 A senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

 

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane.

 

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

 

11 A senior federal government official called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China .  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.  "Oh, no I don't.   I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

 

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.  When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

 

12 A Newfoundland & Labrador minister called to make reservations, ''I want to go from St John's  to Rhino, New York .''

 

I was at a loss for words.  Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

 

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

 

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

 

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.  Check your map!''

 

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

 

The reply?  ''Whatever!  I knew it was a big animal.''

 

Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!

 

Could ANYONE be this DUMB?

 

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

 

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration.   Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

 

 

These people run the Canadian government!

 

 

[Nick Jones]

And I thought our lot were dim.....  :

 

Nick

[AlexC]

Gave me a good chuckle, and sounds about right.

 

I think the world is full of special people. Some a little more special than others.

 

And speaking of special people; another Federal Election coming up eh?

[mk2vitesses]

Ha Ha, made me laugh.

Hey don't think politicians are the only fools around, the perception that pilots are very smart has given them an air of superiority:

 

 

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet"

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

 

Si

[bearmtnmartin]

lol. Thats far more amusing than mine.......