My Mental State.

[DaveNotSoSideways]

Whatevers cooking i'm happy with it.

 

I've been working real hard on not eating much carbs, no wheat, no processed anything, it's an improvement. Keen to give up redmeat next, bar the odd steak it just makes you lowly. Just pure high vibration whole food, seeds, nuts, keep my consciousness high, all there in past cultures. Taking magnesium which is better than anything else for keeping me for cool, it's good for all the nervous system, acts like KONI damper inplace of County model. Trace elements are in every neuron in the mind you know. I am taking ginseng as of tomorrow and Vit E as the next trial. Given up caffiene as I want calm, clear headed mindspace and zen, no longer desire to be some sped up robot servant to the state economy fed on sugar and caffiene to promote my productivity at the cost of my health and mind. I work to have no thoughts, this saves my energy for something useful like changing the world.

 

I'm feeling better than I have at any time at any point in my life for the last 9months really, it's a mental thing, it's all clear, I've been working hard in the books and stamping the fuck out of my ego. It's really good place I'm at, let me expand, for now my ego's a slave, it's a puppet, portal / interface to your reality, as such it's now a worker to the cause of my higher self. Much useful. For many this would be a lifetime or 10's work to even find the dart-board let alone wrestle the ego into divine submission of the greater good by 35.

 

I am complete and ready for my next lesson. I've become the polar opposite of what they made me which was thick as pig shit, dumb as fuck mindless egotistic numbnut fuckwit who knew nothing about anything at all and was a waste of air. I'm now ready to serve mankind for the higher purpose we got sidelined away from in 5000years of religious fuckwittery. Bring on the shamans!

 

I'm freeman once again. I got hope for the future every minute of the day, I got purpose, I got go, motive, will, energy and the physical rest has allowed my body to flourish.

 

I'm not at all manic but I wouldn't change a thing. I understand my condition and after the last high we are happy together and we work in harmony now I'm free of the nonsense of the everyday bullshit of life. I can just be for now, getting stronger in body and mind ready for something wonderful.

 

I was feeling nicely expansive today and I've never been as fast or flexible on my bike, so a good day and as such this rattled off... hope you like it....your minds won't even understand it, you aren't READY, YET! If ahead of my time, then you are fociles.

 

Tip? The ego's stronghold has to be ended ultimately but the true self loves playing with it. It's time to retake yourself from what has become "you".

 

Just a quick update from Dave World.

 

Well no downsides after my last "high", well there has been the typical deadening of the mind as the neurotransmitters are run down, the nervous system hammered and I guess that is depression. I've risen above the power of the depressive pole now through my exercise and fitness plus ultra control of my food intake and changing my expectations for life and my future.

 

I can take the hyperspace bus out of your reality now without any ego meglomanic bolox, anger, violence or other lower consciousness issues. I've raised my standard base conscious form over the previous one by some way so I take the bus from a better start position. I can handle these changes more easily as I am experienced now, plus I am not stationary in the head any longer and have no reason at all to give value, importance or worth to the past, bar as a database for future improvement in my life system/interface.

 

The obsession of the future is dead but I am not lacking in will to live, opposite, I'm charged. Without the simulation of the future wasting all my energy on projections of wealth, power, pension, retirement, I'll be happy then, when this, when that. without all that I'm full of air, nothing weighing me down, it's all bullshit you'll never be happy as the present moment is all that matters. Same can be said of concern for the past, it's just a retention and support mechanism for the mostly delusional framework that makes up the self image thats so important to the sheeple of the world, this is all past, this is all ego nonsense, just insanity. My insanity has gone. I am just "am". In the present.

 

Coulda, woulda, shoulda don't figure anymore. I've new directives outside the wants of physical and material needs of "me", me is dead I just am, am the best I can be any given moment at all times, whats better than that ffs? I'd like a family maybe, but not till I have my own kingdom far from this shit-heap mental warzone, dead arsed dead end reality, shoebox. Till then I've got a game-plan, it's physical and mental and it's gonna keep me suffering and in pain to keep me supple in mind and body to keep on getting these mind expanding trips. I have a future of my own and it only features my mind and body. I will be free, educated, wise and physically in diamond form. I'm going to do all I can be the living incarnation of my idea of human of the fututre, perfection before it's time, we are long way from this though, just at the beginning. Then, by right to change all by virtue of my overwhelming attractor pattern I will make all men and women follow my example, but only if endless devotion to working on the control over my ego allows it.

 

I'm free now and can just flow and form into an ever greater more intelligent and versitle human. I expect lows again but I've been to the bottom, there's nothing there I can't beat as that depression is just a method to get you to reflect or process things differently to have a shamanic experience to break the cycle for you, to give self reflection or reflection on the failings of society etc. It's the 3rd eye of life.

 

I'd say lifes alot better the last year, reason? Now my ego is a servant to my true-self, my true-self is now present in me enough of the time that it over-rides the low level thinking of the ego, and so keeps that ego in check most of the time, provided I concentrate at times. When the ego is no longer the sole (soul) ruler of my mind, body and soul I am free to be whatever I want to be, my true self. I am not ruled by desire, guilt, fear or other egotic madnesses and can live in peace. I mean real peace, no nagging wants for car parts, no need to distract myself I've got all I need right here in my head. I'm minimising as best I can externally.

 

The outcome of the last 3years has been excellent, a total retention of my skills but a total and utter remapping of my mental environment, like going from DOS 1 on a 1990 5" floppy to Linux on the latest PC with as much hard-drive capacity as I could ever want, infinate space.

 

I can now happily understand and live with the shutdown and fatique that happens for 4-5months after a real-life experience of mania and have opened myself to all sorts of things, new things, all things I guess, anything that expands my consciousness.

 

I rewired my mind between the high before last and the lastest one, that's what manic does, it fries your wiring so it'll grow stronger next time, you can higher easier next time, practice makes perfect. The progress towards remaining sane enough when high to retain some useability or retention of the insight and riding the insane energy levels was much improved. These upgrades to my wiring consisting of clearing out the greater majority of junk that my head was full of, that was the first time - as you saw on the forum. Then using the power of manic to kill my previous self I had a chance to blossom into a fresh version free from past junk but failed, I got Manic again as you know this year and suceeded in jumping a level of conscious awareness and stayed there, very happy.

 

I can read on virtually any subject and understand. I want to start coming over the top of conventional thinking before too long, in pure concise mind warping language that will change all of everything.

 

I'm going to try and put this into another perspective.

 

I've jumped the fence, I'm off. I'm reading up on quantum physics, kineisology, chao theory, past religons, cultures, psychiatry, I'm reading on loads of subjects to grow my conscious awareness, as needed, step by step padding out of my ability to interpret what I see before me, this leads to my 3rd eye working better, any shamen needs a well developed 3rd eye, there is alot to keep an eye on in western world, so he needs a VERY advanced one. I feel like the student I never was, I've got a massive hunger for new knowledge and I'm enjoying every moment of my days honestly, just working on mind and body.

 

I'm working every moment to keep that useless ego quiet and supressed, it's pretty needs are pathetic, all external shit that wastes and removes all your ability to connect to source.

 

It's not what goes up must go down. In reality, pure non-dualistic reality, it's what goes down earns the right to go up and teach all about things as they have seen the bottom. You must suffer.

 

To my eyes the average persons head is now wired up like the power grid in India, just layer upon layer of total bodge ups, a useless framework at the point of no return. The wiring equivelent of a birds nest, waiting at any moment to short out if the voltage increases or the load becomes overbearing.

 

Here comes what could be your worst nightmare or the best moment of your life, it's all about interpretation? A mental breakdown is a gift but not in the box we live in cause some jerk will try and ram you backwards and that always leads to a blockage. Breakdowns are the automatic ability to wipe the slate clean and move onwards cause you are just dead with the current situation, it's the only way to get a shamanic experience to break the mould that isn't working. It's great if you have the flexibility of self to want to become a "changer", move away from the previous life of being static minded. I want to change each moment to be bigger the next, I'd be happy quantum leaping the universe, a true astropsychonaut, just learned roll with it...any day any perception, whatever.

 

Once you understand that beyong this wired up mess you call a brain is something much bigger, well, you may start to desire a clearing of this bad wiring to see what happens when you connect to broadband on fibre-optix for the first time, inplace of mechanical diaphragm driven condensor coils and bakealite stuff from the last time they allowed free thinking back in 1971. When the broad-band connects to the 70's gear it'll go pop, they call that a breakdown, they try to repair the old stuff but it never works. I just went with the logical option of ignoring some book reading parrot and just kept on keeping on, just blow all the old stuff to bits and the new just works as intended. Transistion periods a bit rocky though.

 

I just kicked that junk out over multiple breakdowns and manias and installed a newer more upgraded model of reality/mentality/perception, latest spec, always updated every moment of the day. This model is totally unhackable and adjustable by the state/system/corperate world, it's a secure reality, it was there all the time. This system to get an upgrade, the one that I use, well, its as old as time itself and as reliable as clockwork, just get some pain and suffering in your life, this will realise a desire for change, that is the first seed. If you got balls of steel and are prepared to escape the phoney ego based reality you might have a divine experience. Otherwise you'll live forever enslaved in mental tyranny.

 

This window to change is achieved in a million ways, you won't get there reading a book or following the bible, there is no god, no heaven, it's a nonsense to keep you from the truth. Look here, the idea is in every culture, every religon, it's not a man or a god, it's inside you but you, you usually have to endure pain and suffering to make any breakthrough and to start the process off to begin with. The salvation people find in religon talking about god is the not the connection to all that is I am talking to/about.

 

What was all that about again? To start the process of making straight connections from a coiled shorted out mess. This leads to making a new mindspace or reality, which others can choose to join.

 

Usually a good start to getting out the box you were stuck is is by some kind of breakdown/through, near death experiences, Kundalini rising (my symptoms to a T), mania, Yoga, starving, fasting, sleep deprivation or any number of ways to start the en-lighten-ing yourself processes. If you manage to go far enough in these things and you are ready for change, also maybe some other factors are aligned then you are often free to start again, you are left mentally raped and reborn at the end of a decent near life experience. Never do I feel better than after a new birth / format of the mind.

 

After a few more attempts to break-free of the bad wiring you can start to feel the power returning when you remember what it was like to be young and having energy, you can have that any age, but only the connection is clear. The weight of the body lowering, the mind sharpening. Feel the every essense of the energy contained within each atom of your body becoming related to the atoms that are in all areas outside your body. The same universally available unlimited power / energy is running through you, the air outside you, anything in between you and the very very tips of the universe, this all pervading power of source - for this is what you can feel here.

 

It's often a rough ride that gets you "through" the first few times, then if you get a taste of wanting to make a massive change you can choose to use this to move on, you just use the power to do it. You might not like it and supress this and so suffer the same miserable apathetic existance as the majority of the human race or you might gradually work to become more interfaced / connected correctly with this "power" and so you have everything you ever wanted inside you at all times.

 

If you can work on yourself, body, mind and knowledge you can tap this power as a reward. Mother Terasa got unlimited energy from this source cause she was an egoless perfect incarnation of all that is good, that's just one way, evil people can also use the "power".

 

Rather like the interface to anything you have to learn to control yourself to use it and even badly intended folks get access, the universe isn't duality, there is no good or bad only what is. So don't be confused in a life of hermetry to become "powerful" or "enlightened". You learn that past a certain level you do not to control it, cause when you connect to this thing properly it will take you over and run you over like a train, that's if you have ego or mental problems ie; most westerners.

 

You'll feel so much energy your ego will turn you into a meglomanic as the ego wants to use this power to take over the world, etc etc. To use this power or connect and enjoy it is not easy at all and requires great control and self awareness or you'll end up in trouble or fatiqued or causing some upheaval, even taking over the entire world.

 

The more I manage to retain clear headspace and get a good connection so the more I expand my consciousness during the peak times of my high's. This is easy to describe at quantum level, to say that all things are connected at subatomic level is true. All points in space exist in connection to all others, whether visable or not to human senses, all of space and your consciousness is connected in my reality. All things form part of a martix system, all connected and maintained inside a monosubatomic web. This behind the scenes thing explains all oddities in the universe once you understand each pixel/atom's properties could be modified like the pixel characteristics in a 3d computer model of reality by some other force/sychronism/anything that can tap into this matrix system.

 

That subatomic web connects every atom from here to there and that matrix web at subatomic level is what connects all the visable and non-visable universes file data and allows it to exist and stay where it is or do whatever it does. For example the harddrive of the universe is infinate obviously but it's all formatted and ready to go. The parts with no info are just as present as you are in the matrix of all that is, you only see what your eyes can, you see only the pixels with the tab "display" clicked with the eyes. You don't see the empty transparent unused ones as anything at all but they are as alive as anything solid. All things are not as your eyes and senses tell you, you are not living in duality as a seperate being unless you want to, just grow a huge ego and disconnect, easy, you are just as present as the air next to you to the edge of the universe at subatomic level, that's where your consciousness is coming from, get it yet?

 

The pixels on a 3D model are all present even the ones you cannot see, the ones with no info are just blank but they are still there to edit, change and interact with, not by me thought but that's the idea. The higher I get so the more my consciousness expands beyond my body and the greater is my connection to power of some kind, with practice the expansion becomes greater and this is me explaining how one gets out of the body, one interacts at subatomic level by ways of a vibration/frequency that is disconnected/disjointed but can be carefully realigned giving the lucky recipient godlike power to find an outlet for or go bang like all the failures.

 

It's all the same whether it's nothing, solid, wet, moving, rock as the seen to the matrix beneath the material world, you can tap into that matrix, that's where Jesus got his power, or Ghandi, Churchill to a minor degree. It's in tough times that you are allowed a little extra, if you work you might get a bit extra more often.

 

On the web / grid that is behind the 3D vision in "reality" you are as connected to the moons of jupiter as you are to the PC you read this on. That's where the real reality is at. You have all the power, not force, power you could ever need right there inside you. Power that doesn't need any form of creation or sustaining, unlike force. We live in a force created place, laws and limits enforced increasingly by force, this tells me to start getting ready cause they are weakening and shoring up defenses. Any weak organisation starts to use force when the power has all gone. This is how we will defeat the current bullshit reality. Same way Ghandi raised the power in Indians and himself, he acted as an unlimited source of power for an entire country and brought to an end the Status Quo through consciousness adjustment and awakening the true power in mankind, the dormant, anarchic power, the greatness of man. Hilter also managed to get a dose and used it in undesirable ways. That's how power manifests before it overthrows the force holding the current regime in "power".

 

We got the Power, they only got Force. Time of great change lays ahead and you won't have to do a damn thing.

[DaveNotSoSideways]

Finally we are waking from slumber.

 

 

[DaveNotSoSideways]

I is a free-man, no future or past simulations in my head wasting power. Fully present.

 

Well I been to court twice since last update. I haven't replied cause it's been on the mental backburner really, just bolox.

 

I got the charge dropped to cultivation from production at the last hearing and today I was in for the pleading/trial.

 

Decided to defend myself today and must thank the lovely legal adviser who was a top lass and also the flexible CPS women (who fancies me and she was quite cute)for their assistances when the magistrates mormons were out reading my written defence statement.

 

I'll add that defense statement to this thread, feel free to use it, any of the points or adapt the text to suit your medical position etc.

 

Used this ""over the top" of convention" approach twice now and so taken control of proceedings via a logic overload, logic dose so big that noone can escape the subconscious positive attractor patterns contained inside my documents. The judges come out of the room like robots and discharge me. Job Done, no fucking about, just come over the top, move all in and do it with dignity.

 

Here is my defence statement. This rewired their tiny minds, turned the judges into robots who let me go They didn't say a word to me lol...Empowered I am.

 

Case of defence / mitigating circumstances in Crown vs. David ******

 

 

Dear Sir / Madam.

 

Firstly, may I take a moment to express some sympathy towards the tax paying public, to say sorry, sorry that their hard earned taxed are wasted on victimless trivia such as this. This is waste of all our resources.

 

Secondly can I thank the CPS on their willingness to accept recognition of their misdoings, regarding the way I was charged. They accepted they were wrong automatically, by virtue of them now charging me, correctly. In retrospect they were wrong all along, but I thank them all the same, for allowing me to plead to the correct charge. This clearly shows that the initial charge of production was incorrect, I had told them so, at the police station. This shows their current policy of manipulating the word of the law for what it is, a policy, they charge production for every case now, as to enact as many proceed of crime investigations into cannabis growers as they can. I should never have been charged with production, this should not go against me. If my case was before a proper judge he would understand this, I am making this clear so you understand this and can think according about the situation. I do not want production on my record, I was cultivating plants of the cannabis genus for my own use, I was not involved in some mass production facility with staff, or a warehouse. I would consider that in light of this information it should be noted that I pleaded as soon as I could to the correctly worded charges.

 

Suppose I should explain why I am here defending myself and what my situation is, before we deal with the other aspects of the case?

 

I have chosen to defend myself for several reasons, let me expand. I am here today because I am a Manic Depressive, that’s the cause behind the symptoms that had brought us here today. By mentioning my malaise right away, I was hoping to open the blinkers of any possible automated judgement as wide as I can. We all wear blinkers don‘t we, some more than others. Making sure the blinkers of those in judgement over my affairs are correctly set is a prime goal of mine, so those holding some power can make informed decisions based on facts. So to see the entire picture of my case everyone must have their blinkers parted, opened to the correct angle before we start, this action is made in-order to activate the required thinking patterns, perspectives and vision on this, the matter in hand.

 

I lead a simple life and keep myself to myself. I suffer from full blown Bi-Polar or Manic Depressive Disorder.

 

All the male members of my father’s side of the family share the condition to a greater or lesser degree. After years of confusing and difficult to understand shifts in my interaction with the world I can now see clearly what a serious and under estimated problem it is for those suffering the disorder. My uncle was an undiagnosed sufferer, he committed suicide in his mid 50’s after a private struggle, one lasting all his adult life. I don’t doubt he could have been assisted by Cannabis.

 

I don’t intend to do more than a give a brief outline of the basics of Bi-Polar so you understand the terminology used within this story. Unless you suffer Bi-Polar you have no idea how difficult it is to live with and to treat. Each case is individual and it affects the very essence of a person, everything they are and do. It’s also a far greater killer than the greater majority of physical diseases. Bi-Polar claims 20% of it’s sufferers via suicide and claims many more through risky behaviour and harmful substance abuse, the outlook isn’t good. I break that mould, I don’t consider cannabis a drug in the sense that alcohol pickles ones entire mind and body or cigarettes pointlessly kill most of their users and render them physical wrecks, I consider cannabis a benefit, I’ve never been smarter, fitter or happier.

 

Due to the often unbalanced nature of my mental state, day to day, week to week, year to year I have to be a certain way. I need to stand up fully for my needs and requirements at all times, keep my conscience clear. This is what I brings me to defend my own position, so to speak my mind, so to be true to my core values and virtues. This is all I can do to prevent myself being abused by systemic procedures.

 

Cause of my condition I value privacy and I like peace and quiet. Though, as simple as these two things are, or may appear they seem hard to find, that of a person with a mental disorder needing a bit of peace of quiet? These concepts are easy to grasp, at least for someone with their head in the real world. However these needs are often at odds with those perceived needs that are forcibly imbued on others by authoritarians with a one fits all size mentally. A lifetimes experience of mind warping perspective changes leaves me little time for those who believe they know best, often people living in a mere slice of the view I see before me, they judge me from that micro-slice-view. People don’t have a right to judge others unless they use or suffer the things they comment or judge on. Without empirical knowledge it’s easy to become intellectually incapacitated by your own idiopathic ideals, ideals which were someone else’s experiences?

 

It will be obvious as we move through this document that I actually suffer from a serious disorder of the mind. Things aren’t what they appear out there and that anything that can assist me, without poisoning me, has to be a good thing for my situation.

 

I have extensive experience of cannabis in all it’s forms, in many parts of the world. One could say I am well versed in what is logical, reality based information on any drug, mind state or mental disorder. I have first hand experience of how all this interacts together, this due to the infinitely variable mood spectrum and energy levels I suffer, due to my condition. I listen to other empiricists in life, they speak my language and share my mental processes, they talk from experience and the heart, they are not spreading lies.

 

I look to explore my condition, the best form of defence is attack, I’m not looking to drug away my condition on pharmacological poisons, I’m looking to confront it. I am not at all interested in thee who regurgitates what they read, were told or perceived incorrectly due to over-sensitive blinkers. I know immediately when someone is creating a big deal over a slice of reality, usually though the presentation of non-science, or nonsense as I can it.

 

I could write books on this subject matter and many other subjects and I intend to do so, any argument the court provides is nonsense from the “system“, it’s the current the “party-line“. Go back 100 years it’s different, go forward 100 and we’ll be free from this dark-age. Opinions will be different that’s for sure, next week, next year, go far enough they‘ll say look at 2012 what a joke, end of the road in all ways, outmoded opinions and knew nothing about anything, just fumbling idiots. The best one can do, when encountering such systems is just clench fists, meditate into thoughtlessness and wait for the bus home. To a timeless creature, the present is a madness, the same media friendly one word dogmas in every court, in every town, in every county, the results of top down autocracy without appeal, nothing more.

 

The ability to present my own side of life, deal with my disorder, present my own defence stems from the fact I am not merely another observer, I am not a sheep. I live this drama as my life. I present this information to pre-empt the automated mental responses, those of my persecutors, mental thought patterns that operate to the programming of right wing sound-bites. To give insight into my condition is the best way to temper the tyranny of those who possess too much opinion and too little experience. So to suppress the parrot that can’t think for themselves, the ones who just repeat the party-line, they have no choice, despite the law being outmoded.

 

I am acutely self-aware of the dangers of this trial triggering a manic episode, those that press me though this victimisation of automated autocracy are just fools. We are here cause a piece of paper needs a resolution, lets face facts, someone‘s database has an anomaly, procedure can‘t handle anything outside the mould, it‘s cattle herding, processing human units for that‘s all we’ve become. The real reason we are here, this is because excessive automatic procedure has facilitated a breakdown in reason, a basic rude denial of access to core humility and compassion at the human level. The talk with the doctor pre-interview at the police station is always giving of sympathetic undertones to my cannabis use. I see the impartial doctor there as a last voice of reason and humility that you get at the gates of the criminal system and business of prohibition.

 

The breakdown in all worthy core human values; our true virtues- could be argued at the psychological level as the main aim of all this procedure, for it is procedure that has brought us here. This is a cancer; it’s procedure that cannot yield to anything at all; it rules totally by it’s complete limitation, for procedure limit’s the ability to do anything out of ones own will. This has lead us here, to a waste of everyone’s time. This obsession with procedure is infesting everything at this time, it’s especially contagious in public sector work. This error, that of taking away free will via behaviour programming or having a procedure for all things and parameters that are set in stone has lead us here, to an error of logic, it’s reason held to ransom. This conflict of wills, that between the awake and asleep will become even more clear as in my opinion, society continues, at every increasing speed, to flush the minds of it’s citizens further down the sewers of procedure. The result of all this procedure is turning both managers and menials into thoughtless terminals or robots of the state, drones that respond only to procedure upgrades from above. We can save pointing out the Orwellian processes for later?

 

I know more about my own mind and condition than those observing ever will, those generalising about my plight, so too those giving substance free lip service to the outdated drug dogmas. I am bored of listening to nonsense, trash being given valuable air time in the present moment, this at the expense of actual helpful education or information. People need things that empower them to act with reason. I am gifted with enough vision and awareness to see the potential for this non-crime dragging on for ages. The cause is before us all; small minded intervention from outside observers.

 

On going annoyances from pointless outside interventions into my private life and affairs are triggers for mania, I can’t help it - the more you pressure me the bigger I become.. I live with Manic Depression, a disorder for which unnecessary nuisances and stresses are the greatest platform for a shift in the mind. It’s best for sufferers to minimise outside disturbances to life rhythm, and so limit disruption to or knock on effects to any physical and mental systems used to control the condition effectively, as a day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute battle.

 

Having to read CPS reports filled with nonsense (skunk, factory, meaningless numbers, generalised propagandas) , having spent a day or two in a court, I can report it’s like an interaction with a bizarre lower level of consciousness. The environment such as a court leaves me with clenched fists, just as when I am dealing with anyone or organisation pushing half truths and politically directed narrow-band versions of reality and doing so with a zeal that shows signs of an ever imposing Orwellian autocracy.

 

Interacting with lawyers and suchlike is just additional range of factors I don‘t want to interact with at this time, it‘s been a rough few years mostly due to your interventions in my life. I am beyond caring about this, I don‘t fear jail, I don‘t fear anything; all this nothing in the grand scheme of the world, it’s a waste of all our energy as a species enforcing imaginary boundaries of the mind.

 

By not having a representative I do not have to deal with a great range of external factors that effect my day to day battle with manic depression, all while being afforded the ability to present whatever information I decide, in whatever format.

 

Worst thing for my own case is having others involved with and to trying to actively control my affairs, I won’t have it. I’ll sit in a cell rather than bow to the desires of those with control obsessions. Even being in the presence of such narrow views of reality pushed with moral weight is a negative experience for me, like a rod through the heart; for the dark forces try to bend you down to their level.

 

I value my privacy and individualism. I am in recovery from my last episode which ended in hospitalisation, as you may have read, I fixed my depressions now I have to learn to limit my highs. I would remind you that this entire affairs causation was the stress of my previous trial, this ended in February, anything else is symptomatic to the cause. I am sure timeline is self evident? I rose to the occasion and thus kept rising for a few weeks after, till I became far too high, thus ended up hospitalised.

 

I am keen to remain well; your interventions in my life are making me ill, for they are destabilising of my good work. I am here on my own having always exercised my own personal recognisance over my affairs and do so again this time as to minimise the interaction in what I see as, little more than, a nonsense. I do not wish to give yet more tax payer money to the business of prohibition through the legal aid system. I learnt enough last to see the big picture.

 

I am in the process of applying to the home office for a growing license, so to legally grow my own cannabis medication and free myself from the outside intervention of the mentally overactive members of our communities, to free myself from the clutches of those with a perversion to change everyone they meet into a Mormon.

 

I don’t give the brainless rhetoric on drugs a moments credence, never will, I am prepared to leave England to have freedom to grow Cannabis and live in peace in a place where what I do in my own castle is my own business. This island makes people ill.

 

In order to give my position and the points made the clarity they deserve I present this document to be used in my defence, a piece of prose based on empirical experience and not dogma.

 

Now I will explain what was I doing?

 

I will only cover the events related to the cannabis, any events mentioned via the CPS are frankly no other persons business than my own. The episode of mood which resulted in police attendance was a rare event, caused by the cumulative stress of a 5 day trial, a sleepless trip to London, These events combined with a 13month wait for trial triggered a manic episode, it‘s no more complex than that.

 

 

CPS will probably use the standard nonsense with regard to projected yields, values and generalise that I could have produced 3 crops a year, these crops would be of such a quantity, worth xyz in weight and value. One must remember that this is a delusion? Why you ask? Cause it hasn‘t happened yet and probably wouldn‘t have happened in that way, so we can see the formula for what it is, nonsense generalised claptrap that a robot worked out who had idea what was going on in that persons mind, they formed the numbers from a formula someone gave them, they then added the magic numbers to another piece of paper and here we are today. Paper trails don’t enact reality.

 

This is the efforts of the CPS to pervert the course of justice by using delusional fear based influence like a counterweight over the moral fortitude of the judges, to bend their moralistic outlooks into the mindset required to prosecute someone for growing a plant.

 

Their projection of the future is the very best case where I was a professional and everything went well, where they can read my mind and prove I intended to do it over and over, this is a big projection from 10x 3” plants in a cold wardrobe which still had clothes inside.

 

So the real facts are; I was seemingly engaged in an activity which has no victim, and therefore is by definition - not a crime.

 

There was no evidence or intension to sell so there is no need to have any figures involved regarding money, I suggest anyone of sound intellect should be able to grasp these concepts and act upon them.

 

There were 10x 3” tall seedlings thrown in the bottom of a wardrobe, there was no ventilation or trays, in fact, nothing more than a crude single light hung so keep the plants alive. No effort at all to create a professional environment. The plants were in tea-cup sized pots. This as crude as it gets.

 

The plants weren’t old enough to have shown sex. I raise the important point that half would be female and half male. I intended to throw away the males so that leaves at best, 5 female plants that produce flowers. I would have binned the runts so that would have left 3 plants, the best 3 plants.

 

3 PLANTS. The very fact this has come to court really makes me question the world I live in, it’s madness, insanity.

 

The new guidelines say 40grams per plant for yield estimates.

 

So in REALITY. A true projection of reality, one based on the facts - it would be a projected that these 3 plants would yield.

 

3plants @ 40grams each = 120grams or 4.28ounces projected yield.

 

There was no intension to sell so the money values are purely scare tactics and should be dismissed.

 

The CPS delusion would be;

 

10plants @ 40 grams each 400grams or 14.28 ounces projected yield.

 

3x a year = 120ounces or 42.84 ounces.

 

Frankly you’d have to be part of the unthinking unconscious to believe the CPS, or possibly lacking in sufficient knowledge to make an informed decision.

 

How does Cannabis fit into my life and why do I use it?

 

It’s been a long road to understanding the condition but after many years I have the tools I need to explain and work with me condition.

 

I am working to be fit, healthy and get smarter so to be more conscious everyday. I’ve been through the entire cycle of Bi-Polar from the very deepest depressions, through long hypo-manic periods to fully blown Mania.

 

I worked out sometime ago that if I want to conquer this condition I have to work on my health to have something to work for and stop Bi-Polar destroying my body as well as my mind. I worked hard to quit Tobacco and succeeded, with a just a few short relapses during my darkest times. 70% of Bi-Polar people self medicate with Nicotine and it invariably ends up as a chain smoking habit that kills them early.

 

I work out 1-3hrs per day, running, weight lifting, yoga, stretching, cycling 100-200miles per week. When I work out consistently I am fit and in good physical condition which helps over-ride the mental illness. I have no health complaints at all. Not even a filling. I had never been a doctor until it was enforced on me.

 

Take a range of things each day magnesium, ginseng, garlic, vit E-D, fish oil, choline.

 

I work out everyday and just try to be in nature, I just work to deal with manic depression, to conquer it. Exercise is the a vital ingredient, it gives the ability to keep depression at bay, get decent sleep, work naturally to goals and raise my mood. Exercise improves my self esteem, confidence and gives me relief from the endless negative thoughts and suicidal periods. I only started to exercise again seriously 2 years ago and it’s helped immensely.

 

I eat only non-processed foods, no cakes, chocolate bars or fast food. I don’t eat any junk food or consume refined sugar. Consuming lots of fruits, nuts, fish rich in Omega 3. Eating a natural sugar free unprocessed diet is important as sugar contributes to mood swings. I take vitamin supplements and fish oil. I drink minimal caffeine and plain water.

 

I stay away from all forms of drugs I consider harmful including Alcohol.

 

An import factor is also dealing with triggers. Triggers are lifestyle, environment and social stimulus that trigger shifts in my mood. These are hard to control and pinpoint, but with experience you learn what they are and when to walk away from something.

 

One of the main tools in my defence is using Cannabis. As you read this story I am going to tell you all about living with Bi-Polar, using Cannabis to treat it and how I got into the situation of facing some punitive punishment for self improvement of body and mind; for self-medicating against this life-threatening and serious mental disorder.

 

One could ask how is my current situation, that of a medical Cannabis user affected by English social, political and legal pressures?

 

I have no interest in drugs, legal, prescribed or illegal bar Cannabis and occasional interest in any hallucinogens that expand ones mind and vision. I could be pickled on booze legally, 24 hours a day from Tesco but no, I am a fine example of a human bring from head to toe yet I am currently facing prosecution for cannabis offences inside my own home. All this owing to my use of cannabis as a form of medication for my long standing Bi-Polar Disorder.

 

In the current system there no expectation to receive the things I need to help me move on and manage my Manic Depression. The things I need, as an individual, a person suffering a unique illness that effects each individual differently, it is individually incapacitating. I need the freedom to manage my condition in my own way as the condition effects the very fabric of what makes me the person I am. There is little to no hope of getting better until the whole business I am dealing with is over. Only can I move on from here once my prosecution for self medication using Cannabis is over, once I am released from my ultimate fate at the hands of an illogical system of Law. I don’t need a lot of things around me to help me back on my feet, for I am already upon them, all I need is peace.

 

I expect to have to have my name and clean criminal history tarnished by the politically motivated, misleading and out of date way we deal with casual drug users. Especially those with mental disorders, those whose problems lead them to use drugs for one reason or another.Whether it is prescribed or illegal it is still relief in a drug.

 

The ways we deal with the innocent victims of the actions born of mental illness is plainly shocking, we are misunderstood and badly represented. So I wish to give my side of the story and to try to help others in society to see the broader point about my plight with Cannabis and Bi-Polar. I want to show how I am now affected negatively by the Law, Politics and my Mental Illness. The only way to win against a multi-way-pincer-attack is to raise your own consciousness to a level above, to take a look at the mess from a new angle. You can’t solve any issues with the same or lower level of consciousness that created the issue in the first place, that’s common-sense?

 

I do not profess to be an expert at writing or on any of these subjects but I do know what works for me, how I interact with the world differently from the 98% of people who aren’t Bi-Polar.

I’ll try to explain how these factors make a potent cocktail of problems for many people that are misunderstood, under represented and poorly dealt with.

 

I wish to tell a story for those on both sides of the fence, for those who know little about these subjects, those only believing what they are told rightly or wrongly by the media. Hopefully a story of logic and reason, helping everyone to see a human side to this awful criminal I have become. A criminal made by the current Law and Criminal Justice System. I’ll attempt to explain how my daily my life is dominated by living with Manic Depression. Living with the fact I am a criminal causes me no concern at all. I have no concerns about the opinions of people who know less than I do about how my own experiences with Cannabis and Bi-Polar Disorder. People who are not suffering with Bi-Polar have no idea about the serious nature of a Manic Depressive Illness and vital importance that Cannabis plays in my life. Because I have mental health issues I spent long periods of my life in a living hell, I enjoy the use of Cannabis to relieve some of the more destructive symptoms and also the stresses and strains of being hypo-manic, so to stay happy, where is the crime in that? Where is the crime in using something that keeps me away from the suicidal side of my condition and makes me a more rounded, caring and less self absorbed person?

 

The system of Law many medical Cannabis are unfortunately enough to encounter is in my opinion, broken. Out-dated drug laws and hysterical media reporting go hand in hand. We are moving backwards to Draconian methodology at this very moment, reversing backwards stuck behind a blockage in logic, this is blockage born of a lack flow within the pipe work of political debate on drugs. Politicians are scared of the potential right wing media backlash should they even whimper about drugs. In the current media driven politics even the slightest mention of drugs can be toxic, let alone a debate using logical science on the subject, that could be enough to end a career, remember David Nutt, the first martyr?

 

We live in a country where all drug users regardless of there individual needs or status are lumped into the same category by a system more suited to cattle herding. Medical users and decent honest casual user’s lives are being ruined and destroyed from all sides by the current system. Largely it's because of the currently diabolical state of the media. The media is ruling policy via the disease of political correctness. Policies effecting lives of good honest people with families and jobs are currently driven by the press holding control of politicians and public opinion, this is holding back societies advancement. Politicians can't speak logically for fear of trial by media. The result is costly: ill-informed and ever wasteful criminalisation of decent honest drug users, effectively the criminalisation of many perfectly respectable and otherwise law abiding people. We are suffering a reversion from working policy that's shown to be effective in other countries. Countries with a system of drug policy that’s based on an actual desire to improve and resolve the health care of the individual, resolve a persons social issues within a realistic framework that causes least cost and damage to all involved.

 

Many others Cannabis users like me are paying a high price for something we see as harmless. These are decent, honest people, who commit no crimes, who aren't affecting anyone else with their victimless crime of personal Cannabis use. Public opinion within a largely unaware or non-caring proportion of the voting demographic in England is being deliberately manipulated by certain newspapers and media out-lets. We are headed backwards not forwards with regards to Drug Policy. There is a tug of war between logic and illogical propaganda happening right now. The public are increasingly media led, large proportions of them are being fed a daily diet of Cannabis related junk food through various outlets including the Police and Courts. Diets of endless one sided Cannabis reporting that bare no resemblance to anything I have experienced. How can we currently expect to have any logical form of debate? We are rapidly being walked down the garden path towards increased ignorance, with that increased dangers. We are not moving forward towards the logical drug laws being shown to work in other countries. We are closer to believing down right nonsense glossed over as fact and then supported by the authorities. England is being held to ransom by overly simplistic and ever more bizarre drug logic. Overly simplistic and often baseless arguments given in the media are leading to court rooms filled with ever more illogical and politically motivated decisions.

 

In England courts and police catch onto the latest trendy anti-Cannabis phrases or catchwords used in right-wing press coverage and use them readily in their own declarations. However the courts and police have no ability to pickup on important facts or functional progressive policy changes happening in countries other than our own. Other countries are showing solid results with legislation, decriminalisation and realistic medical provisions for Cannabis use within the Law.

 

I can get a lower sentence claiming I am a “Cannabis addict”. Cannabis has no addictive properties unless you add addictive tobacco to your reefers. I can pick up Cannabis and put it down, use it everyday or once a week, it’s addictive as playing golf or eating chocolate. The only reason for encouraging people to claim “Cannabis addiction” in courts is to spread farcical propaganda, spin and misinformation down to a compliant and ill informed media, they then hand this information down as fact to members of the public who have not got the experience to make an informed judgment of their own. The person is an addict, the Cannabis is circumspect.

 

It will no doubt be said I was growing dangerous “Skunk” plants that are 10x stronger than back in the 1960’s. Fact is I was growing 3” tall seedlings that could be anything and where in fact largely pure land-race strains, strains of a plant that has been around since before humans walked the earth and changed very little. Hashish of the far east makes UK grown “skunk” appear to be the alco-pop that it really is, modern Cannabis just lacks CBD, a chemical that is also present in mature cannabis and is an anti-psychotic. Society creates mentally ill people by making the box to small.

 

Misleading and inaccurate sound bites are rapidly delivered to the public ear in England through police, court and media reporting. Short, easy to digest meals of misinformation. Biased and misleading reporting attempts to show the important voter ship of an ever increasingly misled middle England that something is being done.

 

We are not winning the war on drugs, it can’t be won, it’s a war on the “Human Mind”, you’ll never stop humans taking drugs, as we need to, we all need to see beyond the normal, it is a basic human right to use plants and control ones own consciousness. You will only ever remove drugs by chemically removing peoples desire to use drugs, you pre-emotively drug everyone and so also their desire to do drugs. We are a step away from medicating the entire populace, as suggested by Aldous Huxley in Brave New World. The DSM manual for mental disorder diagnosis grew to over 4x the size it was 25years ago, soon everyone will have a disorder, I check myself and I have 33 separate disorders of the mind. My mother is 100% normal, she had 9.

 

The problems that we suffer are as a result of outdated prohibitional thinking, idiocy whipped up deliberately and driven by profit seeking corporations, those who manipulate laws and policy making through the opportunities presented by our limp spineless and powerless leaders. The result of all this foolery is the total waste of resources and money we expend chasing people like me. The system currently is at breaking point, dealing with people who cause no harm to anyone else, folks that just want to be able to use Cannabis, for both personal and medical reasons, as those in other countries can without fear of reprisal.

 

What about those decent honest folks who find Cannabis of benefit to their lives, people with health issues, the millions of honest working users who don’t want to use Nicotine and Alcohol. These are all the folks I call my friends, all currently criminalised, hundreds of them. These are all workers with good jobs, intelligent folk, business owners, employers, tax payers and they use Cannabis. These law-abiding folk use Cannabis to relax and enhance their already ample lives, they are approaching the middle phase of their lives and yet they choose to still use Cannabis. They are adults who for the most part don't agree with the nonsense they hear about Cannabis, due to their own adequate personal experience? We aren't criminals we just want to use something that adds some joy or relief to an otherwise often bleak existence. People must understand the plight of thousands of medical Cannabis users, as well as those decent honest folks are criminalised for using alternatives the ever problematic and nauseating boozing culture. I don’t see the local Accident and Emergency department full of Cannabis users on a Friday night, or the local High Street destroyed by them every weekend. The police cells full aren’t full violent Cannabis users sobering up on Friday night; it just doesn’t cause these problems? I don’t use Alcohol, for me it’s a scar on society and as a depressant it makes me depressed.

 

Most people don’t even understand that war on drugs is just a front for the war on consciousness, they want to dumb everyone down, don‘t you see it everywhere? We live in a world of smoke and mirrors. I don’t the need the input into my life of those with a lower conscious than my own, I‘ve risen above the insane thinking of your average Daily Mail reader / citizen who lives in fear and apathy; a form of bondage. My manic depression puts me in a much different place.

 

Since finding some cannabis strains that worked for me; have enabled me to focus and regain control of my own mind, I have; taken an interest in writing novels, poetry, essay writing, quantum physics, chaos theory, human evolution, the universe and read endlessly on subjects. Controlled my diet, rebuilt my body in a 3year fitness drive, totally transformed my behaviour by dissolution of my ego. I’m 100x more intelligent than I was after 18years of dumbing down at the hands of the state. I don’t have a moments time for the cannabis dogmas, I‘m not concerned by other peoples opinions when they just talk about drugs, just like they talk about god, you have to use drugs and you won’t find god by talking about him. Cannabis isn’t the problem, the failed society is the problem. We are pathetically interested in symptoms as science, this causes distortion of so called reality, Symptoms become reality and reality remains hidden under layers of symptoms, seeing wood for trees? Deliberate manipulation of so called facts, non-half-truths presented as science, nonsense at best just about covers the way we look at drug users.

 

We are now castrated by idiocy and as such we are tied up in small minded symptom chasing, so we totally miss the big picture or simple base attractor fields that drive situations, what controls things in actual reality.

 

No amount of politically motivated and unjust lies can protect the delusional bubble that the current farcical drug laws and nanny state exist inside. You can fool some people sometimes but you can’t fool all the people all of the time. The people who believe the right wing trash on drugs, Peter Hitchen readers and the like, they don’t deserve the right to air an opinion based on others experiences, certainly not in my empirical fact based existence. Hearsay is Hearsay. Statistics can paint any image, it’s peoples experiences that matter.

 

One has to understand that the very psychological delusions and propaganda that created the so called war on drugs was flawed, incorrectly motivated, deluded or plain outdated in the first place.

 

Things are never as they appear, just the sheep aren’t fed in mind to see the big picture. The rhetoric was always dogma, they wanted shot of hemp in the 30‘s, they being the petrochemical companies, hemp can produce all the oil we need, clothes, fibres, food, heating oil, plastics, just about everything, it’s a miracle.

 

The corporations started a war against hemp and so also marijuana, using cannabis as a front, TV adverts, films, all funded by corporations. This is cause anyone can grow it and it could have changed the entire face of history, our current plight.

 

That was well before 70’s backlash to the counter cultures of the 60s, the psychedelic movement, men with long hair, men smoking joints in touch with femine values, the loss of ego and change in social fabrics. Scary stuff indeed, not for us though, the citizen, for these are good values for society, the dissolution of ego will save the earth from it’s current plight. This culture shift was big and it scared the money men, the evil men who run the banking scams and corporate cliques that run our governments through the backdoor.

 

After the 60’s the game changed, before then it was all about hemp industry suppression, using cannabis as a front, this was so to maximise other industries profits and infrastructures from petrochemical alternatives to hemp, these alternatives were vast and hemp could have done away with them all. Post 70 the so called war moved to another phase, a different front for another war on something other than drugs. In 1971 it was not the war on drugs that Nixon started but, the war on consciousness; who sees what, in what way.

 

Post 70 that’s when the dark forces of the ego dominator consumer culturalists got involved to seed the consumer revolution and end the counter cultures shoving it all into one cultureless pit of doom. The story of a certain president, the one who started the war on drugs should surely be remembered, he was a crook, liar and bent as they come in all ways. It was right wing parasites that lubricated Richard Nixons forceps delivery into office. And so, the war on minds was started, ironically Nixon was just a controlled puppet, set up via the true evil that gains access into backdoor policy making through numb nut front-man.

 

That was well after reefer madness of the 30’s, such nonsense as blacks on dope raping whites, we haven‘t moved on far, Marijuana made black men think they are equal to whites, they said so. I won‘t bore with any more nonsense’s.

 

A whole new level of drug dogmas and policies came post 71. While controlling filth such as Nixon were coining the new war on drugs, it was a front, for the greater war on consciousness itself. The aim to make consumers from hippies and thrifty people, to change minds from save to spend. While fighting some drugs they funded others. An example was the desire to get rid of the psychedelic cultures, men with long hair etc, the did this by changing their drug diet, the CIA were funding and encouraging mass influxes of cocaine into the USA, to dawn a new “Anti-Hippie” movement.

 

Cocaine is the hippies anti-Christ, for it builds ego and makes you materialistic, weak and self absorbed, LSD is the reverse, all that LSD was bad for corporate America. LSD was drying out the seeds of what is now all the USA stands, a sad nothing, a consumer culture. LSD dissolves ego, makes you throw away possessions, think broadly, gain insight and perspective, gives you new life and so one might revert to a cleaner more natural life, in a generalised way.

 

Cocaine was perfect for the post 60’s crackdown on consciousness, it also serves other functions, like bringing in more materialistic egoistic needs, it also makes you very male, it‘s anti marijuana values, as well as anti-psychedelic. Cocaine use rocketed in the 70s and is still rising. Something drug wise was needed to stop counter culture based on psychedelics’. This culture was a danger to the “establishment“ in the late 60‘s. Cocaine is a great for consumerism and the CIA and government knew this, that’s why it’s use has never been higher in flawed and cultureless societies such as a Britain; a country with no identity at all, a sell out to banking, services and consuming.

 

Sadly we’ve gone so far down this delusional, corrupt path that there is nothing to rise up, the whole lot is a multi-layer perverted sham, there are no ashes of what we were, what we sold out, so to become what we are. Cultureless slaves to a service based fictional economy based on consuming. Cocaine was pushed in via the back door in the 70’s as it inflates the ego, it shifted a whole era.

 

The self infatuated cocaine user, a person with a fat ego, they don’t question themselves and so are like a sheep to slaughter. That’s the opposite effects of LSD and Cannabis, these liberate the mind from bondage. These drugs drove the prior dawning of alternative cultures and perception shifts, we ate mushrooms and turned from hunters to tool makers to nomads etc, they evolve you..

 

These shifts in mind are bad for the modern dominator styles of leadership, styles which demand an unthinking and stationary mindset, LSD and Cannabis are useful drugs, they promote internal growth and thinking, the opposite of externalised life of the cocaine and alcohol obsessed consumer.

 

 

The modern world is a formed reality we live inside and except as real - that is unless we have seen life outside of the bubble. My disorder ensures I get to see “all for what it is” a lot of the time.

 

The actual reality that most people live in, and our drug laws exist inside, this is just a system of smoke and mirrors, it doesn’t actually exist at all, just as imaginary boundaries inside a delusion of control you call reality. All this stuff you believe is just housed perfectly inside the confines of your created reality, your ego/self, there is a lot more out there, trust me. You are brainwashed to believe in what you have been taught at school to be the “way“ of things, this isn’t your true self, it‘s a shadow.

 

Go to another country, culture, time, plane of reality, system of upbringing or schooling you can be something different. The morals, ethics, beliefs and any psychological / thought and thinking patterns you experience is a result of the environmental conditioning and so would be different in each social system before and after now.

 

Look at this case from another country, time or position it makes no sense at all. I’m just saying in a long winded way I think this position in history; the position we are in culturally; everything about our current existence, it will be looked back on as a utter nonsense in the future. I can see that future now and I can see the past, so living in this mess we call the present; a sea of disinformation - is a frustrating business.

 

Just a brief look into the way we talk about drugs and how the lies spread in the press, courts and by the police have created an automated monstrosity that is distorting the actual reality of my situation; bending it to fit in with the sound-bite fed mindset / opinions of the brain-dead readership of the Daily Mail, sadly a large voter ship, you understand?

 

What about Cannabis? How does it affect my own personal battle with the depressive phases of Bi-Polar?

 

What leads me to sporadic use of cannabis over most of the later part of my adult life is a desire to seek gentle, fast and side-effect free relief from deep dark depressions, lower mood states and have general stability of mind.

 

I have never used Cannabis consistently, have had long periods with and without using it. I know from years of experience that the Cannabis has no bearing upon the creation, progression or symptoms of Bi-Polar that I suffer from, they have their own private engine. The effects of Bi-Polar were present well before I had ever come into contact with Cannabis. The swings of mood caused by Bi-Polar are of far greater magnitude than the effects of Cannabis.

 

I am a “rapid cycling” Manic Depressive, the worst gift. This rapid cycle sufferer is seeing many changes per year from major depression, depression, normal, slightly hypo-manic, hypo-manic with a chance of a rare full manic state every 2 or 3 years. I can also have productively long periods or normality or long stable hypo-manic episodes in which I achieve all my life’s successes.

 

I call these periods my times of having an “edge”. Success comes in whatever activity I have chosen to use this hypo-manic edge on. Hypo-mania is a tool provided it stays in a certain range and you use controls to harness the extra ability it gives. It opens the doors to you’re my creativity.

 

There are periods of depression displaying varying severity that last upwards of 6months. These usually follow a pattern of being dark and reflective with rare stress based suicide contemplation.

 

Cannabis helps me in a number of ways. It gives me a chance to function correctly and deal with the natural depressive phases. It does this by limiting their potential for destruction. Certain types of Cannabis have proven to me they limit the gravity and potential length of depressive periods. They limit the potential depths that can be reached, the depths that can take me a lot of time to recover from. Cannabis allows me to recharge and try to get some momentum into recovery, it can happen a lot faster than is otherwise possible, obviously, this is a massive benefit to my life.

 

If I am left to fight depression without Cannabis there are periods I don't even leave the house or my bed, let alone have the energy and motivation to take daily exercise and take care of myself.

 

Cannabis gives immediate relief when my battery’s on the blink and restores lost energy.

 

Cannabis acts like a battery regulator and voltage stabiliser for my physical and mental processes. As a result it controls a large proportion of the negative effects I dislike about the bipolar disorder, without removing the ones I enjoy. It does this by over-riding Bi-Polars natural affects upon me, restoring my functions to a level I require to be content within myself, all this without any negative side effects.

 

It is well know that a lot of creative Bi-Polars dislike prescription medicine, myself included. There is a reason for this and it relates back to the voltage of the senses and speed of the mind. Most Bi-Polar people have enjoyed an elevated sense of mood, enjoyment and energy at some periods of their lives. They feel they have an edge over other people and the Bi-Polar gives them this.

 

When you take Lithium, or any other treatment given by Doctors to treat Bi-Polar you effectively have to give up the hypo-manic state that is so useful. You loose your creativity in many cases, although it can bring order to the mind and allow increased productivity in those who are very manic a lot of the time.

 

 

Treatment of Bi-Polar by psychiatrists and doctors takes no account of those who wish to remain slightly elevated, to get into my mood bracket I must first take mood stabilisers then lie to the doctor to get anti-depressants, no thanks. My psychiatrist won’t even discuss Cannabis, so there is no use in me talking to him.

 

Some Bi-Polars prefer to be in the slightly hypo-manic spectrum, in literature it's been called the "hypo-manic edge". I am one of those people. Cannabis puts me firmly in the driving seat of my creativity and allows me to harness the potentially good side of my BiPolar disorder. Cannabis keeps me in the zone I need to be within to get the best from myself and live my tricky existence without fear of long miserable depressions. I never feel bad using Cannabis, life is so much better. I have to deal with living hell over wise, the depressions mess you up and without Cannabis I start to really depress the destructive pedal.

 

Cannabis gives me the same relief every time, keeps me from becoming destructively depressed, tried and tested, like a old friend, predictable and reliable. Cannabis works for me, to keep me happy. There is no 4-8week wait while the abrasive chemical drugs the doctor gives me start to “work”, drugs which might or might not work and could lead to permanent damage of my organs and bodily functions.

 

Cannabis is especially effective with my depressive periods, it puts me into, or keeps me nearer the voltage range of normal people. It keeps me out of depression, restores normal levels energy to my body and mind. The best part of Cannabis is that it instantly recharges my battery if I am run down and keeps it topped up, what can take months naturally happens in a few days of cannabis administration. Without Cannabis depressions are terrible, you can almost live in a constantly low energy state. Cannabis removes any thoughts of suicide as it limits the suffering of depression. Cannabis puts a hope in my soul and a ray of sunshine in the sky.

 

When I use Cannabis I am just happy at that moment in time, enjoying the present and able to look positively into the future and past. That's what normal people are doing, enjoying the present, able to relax.

 

When I am depressed and have no Cannabis I am thinking constantly, bad things, thinking in destructive and negative ways about the future, past and over-analysing myself. I am thinking very little about the present moment during depression, that makes me a bad employee, I can’t focus or concentrate due to mental chatter, it stops me functioning correctly, it destroys my memory. I haven't the time to be alert, concentrated and focused with all this Bi-Polar chatter going on in my head.

 

Cannabis has another vital function in me. It works to calm and alleviate the chatter Bi-polar causes in my head. It's my own voice, not really a voice, I am just talking to myself with thoughts, like a normal person plans things, thinks things though, we all do it. Just in Bi-Polar the voice in my head is ranting every hour of the day at times, endless flight of mental processes, tiring you out, a nagging voice of self loathing, self analysing and unwanted soul searching. These depressive thought patterns never end, they destroy your ability to concentrate and ruin your memory, the combination or low energy and these endless flights of thought grind down your self esteem and self image leaving you broken as a person. Cannabis provides me with a tool that shuts that nagging down, or replaces it with positive patterns of thought. This is a big weapon against the damaging low end of the mood spectrum. Cannabis gags the nagging voice that's a classic symptom of Bi-Polar Depression.

 

Cannabis has all the weapons I need to fight my condition without unwanted side-effects. It gets me closer, or puts me in the very slightly hypo-manic state most Bi-Polars including myself desire. Here I can feel happy and productive free of the worry of mood swings or depression. Cannabis regulates my energy level allowing me to engage in exercise all year around, the exercise is beneficial for depression, Bi-Polar, self esteem, confidence and positive body image. Cannabis keeps my senses working properly, always assists with the very extremes of the mood scale and ticks all the boxes for removing all the aspects of Bi-Polar I hate, it leaves me with the ones I like and the ability to manage my condition in a way I feel happy about doing. I don't want anyone else’s help. I don't need help bar in the rare event of a full blown manic episode provided I have Cannabis in my armoury. My use of Cannabis just makes this endless cycle of extreme mood swings and related mental states of agitation, anxiety, paranoia etc easier to deal with.

 

Before really looking into this in such detail or devoting much time to working out why it helps, I had I noticed that in the past when I used certain types of Cannabis plant and my depressions were lifted totally. At the least depression was held back, the lows were less destructive and I had a platform on which to stand, life was brighter and more welcoming, I was normalised by it, stabilised. It gives me a constant. I never used it consistently and not during "normal" periods, however I craved its relieving properties during ever depression, I sort Cannabis for relief.

 

I had used Cannabis on and off for years, purely to lift my depression. The results were mixed as I couldn't access the type of cannabis I needed on a consistent basis, medication is all about reliability and consistency if it is to work correctly. There was only one way it would work. I embarked on a mission to really see what the link was between my lifelong Bi-Polar and the relief received via Cannabis. My mission was to find a range of individual types of cannabis plant that gave control over my mood swings and understand how they worked. Cannabis works for me without any unwanted side-effects on my body I notice only good results, for me it's almost as if it was designed to relieve depression and make me a better person.

 

 

Are there any other useful effects from Cannabis during Hypo-mania and normal mood states?

 

In my case living with Manic Depression isn’t just about dealing with the depression, although I find that the depressive phases with or without psychotic features are by far the largest hurdle.

 

Dealing with the stress and agitation of being hypo-manic is also a factor if I am to avoid periods of burnout. It’s easy during long energetic and productive hypo-manic phases to become over-worked, or forget to relax, take time out, eat correctly and give quality time to other people.

 

During periods of hypo-mania it’s easy to become hyper-fixated on work projects or goals you wish to achieve, often at the expense all everything else, at the expense of your health and the way you interact with those around you and possibly your marriage. It’s easy to become so focused you have no time for other people, you snap at those close to you and it negatively affects your social abilities and opportunities. I know I run a lot of unwanted physical and mental stress during my most productive times as I am working as fast as possible, often on many things at once.

 

This why a greater percentage of Bi-Polar sufferers use Drugs, especially Tobacco as it gives you a break, an ability to take time out, tune out and have some minutes to slow it all down.

 

I find myself at risk of becoming hyper-stimulated when writing this story, even though I class myself as currently depressed. Just the other day I sat down and started at 1pm, before I knew what had happened it was 7pm. During this period of time I had not once got up or had a drink or taken a rest. The same thing happened after I took my evening meal and restarted at 9pm, it was 4am before I knew what was happening. The next day you feel worn out and tired as you have gone too hard at the task in hand. Keep this up you end up with chronic fatigue or a shift to Mania or Depression, it’s a trigger for a mood shift.

 

As a recovering Tobacco smoker I have a constant urge to abuse Tobacco when I am in this busy state. I fear the effects of Tobacco on my health to a much greater degree than the Cannabis that I consider harmless. When you look at most high achieving Bi-Polar sufferers they abuse Tobacco like there is no tomorrow. The route cause of this is that it’s a little friend, a little friend who gives you the ability to relax and take a break, sadly this little friend is a killer.

 

In a similar way the Bi-Polar disorder itself is a killer at all mood phases. When I am depressed I can see so easily why people get addictions to cutting themselves, self harm, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, prescription drugs, legal highs, or take any substances to bring them down, take them up, block out the pain or replace mental pain with physical pain. I can see this because I have experienced the pain, suffering and the often impossible to resist urges to seek instantaneous relief. I do not have desire or need to feel these unwanted emotions provided I can use Cannabis at the right time.

 

The desire for substance abuse is a constant nagging companion at all phases of Bi-Polar. I don’t consider my use of Cannabis in the same category as any other drug including Tobacco and Alcohol as I have yet to experience any negative side-effects and it can be used daily without any physical harm. As such Cannabis gives me the ability to have no desire to abuse other far more dangerous substances like Tobacco, it takes away my urges to self-destruct and self medicate with more dangerous options.

 

Cannabis gives me the ability to operate more like a normal person, yet remain in my desired hypo-manic state without all the unwanted stress and social problems. It removes my constant desire to abuse Tobacco by reducing the hyper-stimulation and stress inducing inability to take a break from a task.

 

How does Cannabis effect my interaction with other people?

 

There are various social benefits to my use of Cannabis. These relate to my inability to tolerate distractions, other people opinions or interruptions from other people during times of my best productivity.

 

When using Cannabis I don’t shout abuse, become hostile and aggressive towards my neighbour or those putting social limitations upon me. My neighbour has been under regular attack in my periods of hypo-mania when I haven’t been using Cannabis. He often rightly comes to complain that I am making too much noise, or have been noisily working all day with a project in the garage, or that I was working too late. When I am in my natural non medicated state I have no ability to see the view point of other people or any interest in their concerns towards my behaviour. I can be Anti-Social.

 

When I use Cannabis I would be far more likely to see his point of view, or in fact be more aware of my social requirements and would have pre-emptively toned down the noise or given up at an earlier time. Cannabis prevents me being anti-social and hostile during all phases of my mood spectrum. If I am anti-social towards people I become lonely and isolated as I drive people away, this then reinforces negative aspects of my Bi-Polar by making me a social misfit. If I fall out with everyone I know due to my unacceptable behaviour I more likely to be an outcast, then suffering some of Bi-Polars other states such as anxieties and paranoia.

 

I’ve been so self-absorbed at points in my life I have actually loathed my own personality. My father also suffered from abusive and abnormal outbursts that isolated him from the social network we all need. It’s almost like you can’t help the outbursts and regret them after they happen, I have no need to regret when I use Cannabis as these outbursts have no reason to be initiated. When I use Cannabis I am far more empathetic, rounded and morally guided as an individual, it removes my natural ability to be a complete idiot.

 

Cannabis puts me in the shoes of others, calms me down, makes me think and allows me the introspection to understand what the social normalities are for the 99% of people who don’t suffer Bi-Polar. If I am left to my own devices I can be abusive, intolerable, aggressive and self absorbed. Cannabis takes away all these unwanted actions and allows me to lead a more balanced and socially integrated existence. It stops me steamrollering my way through people with no consideration for their needs or feelings.

 

How do I use Cannabis and limit any potential health impacts?

 

In my own experience I don’t worry about Cannabis smoking. I do however fear and loath Tobacco. I smoked Cannabis pure in a vaporiser or pure in a pipe. A Vaporiser doesn’t burn the Cannabis, no heat or tar is released into lungs. The active ingredient of the cannabis plant, THC or Delta-9 is literally boiled from the plant material and forms a vapour which is then harmlessly inhaled. The un-burnt plant material is then discarded. THC is a totally harmless and inert substance that causes no damage to the lungs or body. THC can be used on oil form to treat skin cancer for example.

 

For medical use Cannabis must be used without Tobacco. Tobacco alters the effect and introduces the potential for harmful physical damage and a less calming mental effect. Tobacco robs you of your motivation if you mix it with Cannabis as it floods your brain with Dopamine. When you smoke Cannabis pure you aren’t being chemically rewarded by nicotine releasing dopamine, so you still have a hunger to achieve while you are effected by Cannabis. Dopamine is a reward chemical, how many smokers take exercise? Not many as tobacco users are doped up on nicotine and dopamine and have no desire to do anything really physical.

 

Cannabis gets a bad name in England as many if not most people smoke it with Tobacco. Cannabis only works correctly on the human species when used alone; smoked, eaten or vaporised pure. If you roll a joint in Australia, New Zealand or America and add tobacco they think you are insane.

 

Tobacco destroys the truly therapeutic properties of Cannabis as well as every single inch of your body. For starters Cannabis is a muscle relaxant, it also expands the air sacks within the lung and operates the Cilia, the small hairs that clean your lungs while at the same time it dilates the blood vessels. Tobacco has the opposite effect of Cannabis on your body, constricts blood vessels leading to disease and shuts down the cleaning mechanism of the lung while making the air sacks tight and inoperable. Cannabis users who smoke pure don’t experience any noticeable lung damage as the tars are cleared out each morning with a quick cough due to the fact that Cannabis operates the cleaning mechanism of your lungs. I feel my lungs are noticeably “bigger” after using Cannabis, hard aerobic exercise is totally unaffected or even slightly enhanced by the Cannabis use.

 

Smoking pure Cannabis is energising and motivating, the moment you add tobacco the experience is lazy, sedative and makes you feel “yuck”. Excessive tobacco use can lead to over-stimulation leading to anxiety and paranoia.

 

I don’t smoke it unless I need it. Cannabis has no addictive properties once you stop using addictive tobacco with it. At the correct dosage, which is just a few individual harmless inhalations a day, I get back my energy from the depressive thief. Cannabis restores optimal functioning to the sensory part of my depression. I can listen to and appreciate music again, gain pleasure in small things, taste properly and see more clearly. Cannabis is a constant, a platform to stand on and work off. This limit and control on the level of my mood fluctuation that Cannabis allows me to have is all I need to avoid really low moods. Staying out of the cycle of long-term low energy and mood that can bring true mental shutdown, a total depression of mind is of key importance to not becoming destructively depressed. I know that cannabis will save me from heading into the real self destructive and damaging lows or pure unfettered depression. I know as a Bi-Polar I need to be on more than one prescriptive medication to get any depression treatment, as depression treatments can induce mania without first using a mood stabiliser.

 

I have no desire to be on dangerous and side effect ridden prescription medicine when I have one that works.

 

Isn’t all Cannabis the same?

 

No.

 

Each plant or strain within the Cannabis species produces subtlety different effects upon the individual user.

 

There are two specific types of Cannabis plant, the Sativa and Indica.

 

These share different qualities and originally came from different parts of the world’s ecosystem.

 

The Sativa Plant: The Sativa plant has thinner longer leaves and grows tall and lanky. The effect provided is often characterized as uplifting and energetic. The effects of Sativa marijuana are mostly cerebral. They give a feeling of optimism and well being, as well as providing a good measure of pain relief for certain symptoms. A few pure Sativas are also very high in THC content. They are known to have beneficial anti-depressant qualities and medicinal effects on a range of medical conditions. Sativas are a good choice for daytime smoking.

 

 

The Indica Plant: The Indica plant has fat, wide leaves and grows short and dense in structure. Most often described as delivering pleasant relaxation, stress relief, and for an overall sense of calm and serenity. Marijuana Indicas are also very effective for overall body pain relief, and often used in the treatment of insomnia. They are the late evening choice of many users as an all night sleep aid.

 

I do not profess to be an expert on other conditions bar my own. Sativa plants eliminate my depression and give me energy while Indica plants work to make me a more socially rounded and calm individual. They also assist in keeping any manic symptoms at bay via assistance with sleeping.

 

You can mix Sativa and Indica plants as I did, to achieve a mixed "high" or effect. You can mix the plants via specific single or multi-generational breeding programs to achieve any ratios you like. Typical examples would be 50/50, 60/40, 20/80 etc.

 

Each individual Cannabis plant, even plants of the same type has unique properties. Each plant can give a different type of mental and physical effect, as well as taste and smoking qualities. If you had enough plants and the dedication to hand breed them, as I did, in my case over 100 individual plants, you will find some plants agree with your medical requirements more than others. Each plant is made of a different range of psychoactive ingredients, this goes beyond a simple THC and CBD ratio and there is a unique signature to each plant.

 

Why did I want to grow my own Cannabis and what drove me to break the Law?

 

There are a numerous logical reasons:

 

No control over harvest timing, consequently no control over the THC/CBD oxidation so having no control over desired effect. I like to time my harvest earlier than that of Cannabis you would find on the street, so to avoid any sedative effects granted by commercially produced Cannabis that’s “over-ripe”.

 

I need a reliable and consistent supply of the same grade and type of Cannabis to treat my condition on a consistent basis; this isn’t possible if I am reliant on other people.

 

I wish to know exactly what I am using for health reasons. I care about health. My own Cannabis isn’t contaminated, mouldy etc.

 

I have no desire to fund illegal activity by giving criminals my money.

 

I am private person who doesn’t like having to chase around to find Cannabis.

 

I resent being ripped off.

 

I cannot afford to buy Cannabis at street prices. I can produce it at cheaply at home.

 

People will look back at the war on drugs as a joke. I am just ahead of time awaiting the awakening of the sheep, awaiting the time when they question the diet of drug related dung they have been eating for so long.

 

To prevent any of the above scenarios I grew out seeds I imported from California, Spain and Canada where the medical cannabis industry is well advanced. I could legally use Cannabis as I see fit in various states of America, Canada, Holland, Switzerland and Spain to name a few places.

 

It seemed prudent to start my search for Bi-Polar friendly cannabis in countries where it has been established medically. There are many honest and reliable medical friendly seed-banks who have done the groundwork for me. I grew out a lot of strains of Cannabis both Sativa, Indica and mixed types. None of which were "skunk" plants, we see so often mentioned by ill reported anti-Cannabis propaganda spread within the red rag newspapers of Britain.

 

I was prosecuted before and this is why.

 

I test each plant I grow individually for effect, making detailed notes on them, using a scientific approach and working systematically to find a cure for the symptoms of my own individual strain of Bi-polar. Rather like the Cannabis plant Bi-Polar affects each person differently.

 

I search for high CBD strains, not highTHC. One of the many uses of CBD is an Anti-Psychotic, Anti-Anxiety aid, it balances the stimulating psychoactive elements of THC. Older hash and grass from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, which I add is still available today, often had higher CBD levels than most home-grown cannabis that’s been selectively bred to suit indoor cultivation.

 

 

I harvested the Cannabis at exactly the right moment using a microscope to inspect the colour and opacity of the small resin glands that produce the psychoactive elements of Cannabis. You can tailor the effect of each plant by timing its harvest, so to be more or less energising / relaxing or calming. You do this by inspecting the THC/CBD glands and harvesting the plants at exactly the right moment, this is based on your own experience of what suits you best.

 

I find growing cannabis gives me immense feelings of well being, a harmony with the world, growing, nurturing and caring for my own plants. It touches on a part of the human psyche that is difficult to engage with in the modern hollow consumer world. At the start I was learning something new every moment that I spent with the plants, learning how to water correctly, feed, train and nurture them as best I could. Through the pure natural enjoyment of this hobby my general mood and interaction with the world improved immeasurably. Having finally secured a reliable supply of the correct types of cannabis I needed, I was gaining the upper hand over my Bi-Polar disorder.

 

 

 

Why not just take prescription medicine?

 

It’s a free world, or was. I don’t have to do anything. I don’t believe in the western methods of treating dis-ease. I work on being less at dis-ease.

 

The NHS are quite happy to give me £2000 worth of drugs a month to control my disorder. I refuse all outside help. They will happily spend £2000 a month making some parasitic pharmacological company a fortune, all while the drugs they produce destroy my mind, body and spirit. These chemical cancers turn me into a sugar craving brain-dead trollop with no more prospects than if I was wandering around the streets naked in a manic frenzy: The only difference is while I am smacked out on 5 meds a day and 25 stone I am quiet and in control, ideally inside my own home. I probably won’t even leave the house cause I am so depressed with being un-motivated, fat and too smacked out to make a cup of tea. I’ll stick to my cannabis thanks. No thanks to you lot I am in the condition of my life at 34 years old, spent the last 4 years turning my life around now the final ticket is you lot leaving me alone! I don’t want nannies help, no oh-err Matron thank you very much. Peace and Quiet please.

 

Have you read “The Cult of Pharmacology”? Do so before you recommend there are other forms of treatment.

 

I believe some aspects of my Bi-Polar disorder are of a benefit to me as a person. I like to be hypo-manic or slightly elevated, to have extra energy and enthusiasm for life. Having Bi-Polar is a challenge, like driving a car or learning to fly an aeroplane, there are inevitable accidents along the way if you are learning without a tutor. After 34 years I firmly believe I have this condition worked out. Provided I can remove excessive stress and factors I cannot control from my life I believe I have all the knowledge and tools at my disposal to make it work for me.

 

If I look at my parents they both have the “young gene”, I believe I have decent genetics and a chance of leading a healthy and long-life. If at all possible I wish to avoid the use of abrasive and side effect ridden chemical drugs to control my condition.

 

I have tried prescription medicines but found the side-effects intolerable. Also the effects on personality are not of the type I wish for. I do not want to give up the good sides of Bi-Polar. To take away by demons is to take away my angels to.

 

The standard medications for this disorder slow your metabolic rate making you sluggish and likely to put on weight. They also have irreversible damaging effects upon a range of bodily functions. These medicines also stop working after a time or there is a requirement to change, to change a medicine is to change your entire personality in some cases. I do not wish to enter into a life dictated by the dependency upon pills, I’d rather be dead - for I might as well be.

 

Manic depression is very hard to treat, especially if you suffer more depressive periods than high periods. The standard treatment is with mood stabilisers, these do little or nothing for depression, they just remove any form of emotion or potential for productive hypo-mania often leaving you in a state of numbness. You really have to take multiple forms of medication all with their individual side-effects and potential for long term health issues. You take one drug and can't sleep, so you take another in conjunction, one pill makes you agitated so you take another one to combat the other. Next thing you know you are on a pile of medications of which none really work or do then stop, you are hooked on pills, you're life isn't your own, you are costing the taxpayer £500 a week in medication.

 

I am quite happy costing the taxpayer nothing each week, being left to my devices, never seeing a psychiatrist or Doctor and being left alone to use Cannabis to sort out my depression. Provided I stay out of depression I don't have to rebuild myself and my life when I become well. Using Cannabis I can stay well.

 

They’ve been “medicating” away the prophets for 500years, it was burning at the stake, now that is politically incorrect they use a home chemical lobotomy via the NHS. No thanks.

 

 

What about my future?

 

I don't actually fear the repercussions of my conviction for growing and possessing cannabis, even jail. I’ve been sectioned, that’s worse! Jail is a state of mind, I don’t fear solitude or self reflection, I get that in spades it’s called depression. Who cares.

 

Bi-Polar will still be with me when this whole business blows over. Cannabis helps with my depression, it keeps me outside the destructive band. I have absolute confidence in it. No one can understand how well Cannabis works against my depression and mood swings cause they aren’t me, all manics are different, we can’t be processed like sheep, we are always near suicide. People won’t learn a thing unless I tell them and more importantly they can rise above lower levels of thought and actually have the capacity to listen and maybe even understand.

 

The length of this story is probably far too long; you the reader must understand that my situation cannot be explained in a sound bite, phrase or brief media report. I don't really care for the uninformed blanket opinions shown by people who believe they know best for everyone and yet have no experience of my individual situation.

 

You could say I am a broken man in the eyes of society. Due to my mental illness I don’t have the same life priorities as those shared by my peers, I see the world differently and it’s alien to me. I don't really have anything of worth to show off my external wealth, I got all I need inside, power. Not interested in the show of being within a materialistic and shallow culture, such as our own, showing that I have made it. I am not big into possessions. Nothing will change unless I MAKE IT HAPPEN.

 

I will not comply with any form of punishment.

 

I am will be frank with you, you may be used to it by now. I will not be able to comply with any form of punishment that effects my daily business or impedes my free will, this is for no other reason than the minute to minute need to control my condition. I need to repel negative forces and I will do anything to protect my sanity.

 

I do not have a drug problem, I can pick up and put down cannabis. I’ve never felt brighter, more awake or more intelligent, my future is bright. I could legally drink myself to death in a pub each day and be rewarded by my peers for it? Makes no sense. I will refuse to take part in any form of drug rehab or testing on principle, it’s also an invasion of my personal rights and I would go to jail rather than take a urine test; a matter of person honour.

 

There was no victim in the community or in fact any victim at all. I am victim and abuser, a nonsense nanny state’ism presents itself before us, as such I will refuse to take part in any community payback. I will end up back in this court if given any of this embarrassing degrading, moronic punishments for self medication. I am a man of my word. This type of thing is also an aggravating factor in my day to day life, ball chain on my requirement to lead a moss free rolling stone existence.

 

Community payback would be an ongoing factor that will cause effects on my mood, so it is something that must be rejected. It’s also humiliating. I doubt that humiliating mentally ill people is very trendy in these days of acceptance, not from my view. I am setting an example to the community everyday, how you ask? For all I see on the most part are overweight, ill people who are being dumbed down, attacked systematically from all angles. I am out busting my backside 24/7 to get well, the works, down to microscopic adjustments to my diet. The example I set is an example to all. I am sure that you can see all this yourself, especially from the view afforded from your self manifested moral high ground? For I can be fat, drunk and brain dead wandering around in legal apathy; a child of the corporate world, a robot, walking dead. I can be embraced in this state but no Cannabis, get real I say.

 

All this aside - I can’t be high on cannabis, promoting intellectualism, fitness, yoga, tai-chi, whole food diet and minimalism, setting a literal example to all? It’s madness. Society is a mirror of reality.

 

You can fine me but I don’t have any money. The money I am given is given to help me get on for I am needy, you’d have to be sick to take from the sick? No surprise you do for that’s the result of a sick world; mutton dressed as lamb.

 

You can jail me. I could use the peace to mediate for a few months, there is so much distraction on this capitalist corporate treadmill. For in a cell I can peacefully read, do yoga, talk to other oddballs, learn things, it would be a great experience to cherish. I am not in mental bondage like the other 98%. I relish pain, it builds true strength of character, virtues and gives clear vision. What’s a few months in the grand scheme of things? Think of the reality and conscious bending that takes place in prison, like a trip.

 

I had a probation report last time and said the same thing. You could reuse that report, saves me having to relay all this to the probation guy and so saving both our efforts for more productive tasks.

 

Regards.

 

--------------------

 

I got an unconditional discharge 12months from 18months, 3rd off due to early plea. £80 COSTS.

 

Easy man, just be yourself man, just tell it like it is in reality, they can't touch you when you take control and pre-emptively reprogramme their minds before they can draw any conclusions or reach any automatic judgements, over-ride button is there to use, use it.

 

Free-Man, not of the land, of mind.

[Nick B.]

Hi

 

Glad you are off the hook. Haven't read the above, but it must have worked.

 

Now back to triumphs. How is the rear-end doing?

 

Cheers

Nick

[DaveNotSoSideways]

Got much bigger things to focus on than cars. Not sure. I'm honestly not sure I'll ever own one again. Waste of energy/just dead weight to my lightness! Might finish it and use for trackdays only. I got much better things to be doing, I didn't create the ultimate mind to waste it in my garage! I'm out doing the game of life now instead.

[DaveNotSoSideways]

Got it all worked out, got high again, locked up again, repelled the pricks, landed and zero depression, I'm off again I think, yippie. Call the shuttle im ready to rumble.

[motov8id]

enjoy the journe

as the song says feed your head