Nick Jones Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw it was good. On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again saw it was good. On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good. On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years." But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 Bah humbug... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted September 12 Share Posted September 12 Shaggy dog, monkey, cow and human story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RogerH Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 Wot - no cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 2 minutes ago, RogerH said: Wot - no cat Cats are above that sort of thing... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 7 hours ago, RogerH said: Wot - no cat 7 hours ago, Escadrille Ecosse said: Cats are above that sort of thing... Probably the god in the story…. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 looks a bit like a molehill to me…. At least one where there’s been a stake hammered in through the little buggers heart! (Yes, I’ve come home a few…) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted September 27 Share Posted September 27 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted September 27 Share Posted September 27 Some people seem to get awfully upset about this sort of thing. I think it's very funny Bit like the film Ensign Pulver where they sew ball bearings into the hated ship's Caption during an appendix operation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted September 27 Share Posted September 27 Nothing like so black as medical humour! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 A Farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from his stream and shouts; "Ey up cock! Tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta from theer, it's full o hoss piss an cow shite!" The man shouts back, "I'm sorry what was that? I'm from London, can you speak bit clearer please." The Farmer replies, "IF YOU USE TWO HANDS YOU WON'T SPILL ANY!" 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 https://www.youtube.com/shorts/TU364uMVZMY?feature=share 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 LOL! Nearly ROTFL! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted October 24 Share Posted October 24 Quite…. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted October 25 Share Posted October 25 Google for Trump Tic Tak Inflation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 Is that as far as you're going? If so then I'll need a map to find the pavement! FFS! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamish Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 TAXI !!!!!! to the pavement please !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeTRacted Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 Be charitable. Probably parked out there so the street sweeper could deal with those leaves........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 Charitable? Al those drivers who either think they have a full size SUV or else have no iidea how wide their vehicle is. They drive along, with several feet between their tyres and the kerb, forcing others to nearly climb the opposite bank. That or elsebthey are frightened the hedge will scratch their precious paintwork. Peasants! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escadrille Ecosse Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 2 hours ago, DeTRacted said: Be charitable. Probably parked out there so the street sweeper could deal with those leaves........ No. I dealt with the leaves a couple of days ago when I was clearing up after trimming the hedge. I swept up/shovelled up best part of 3/4 of a wheelie bin of leaf gloop. The stuff you see there is just the 'crumbs' I couldn't shovel up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Jones Posted October 27 Share Posted October 27 Parked…..? Broken down? Abandoned? 17 hours ago, JohnD said: That or else they are frightened the hedge will scratch their precious paintwork. Yes, big problem in these parts. Gurt bloatmobiles too big to pass anything in the lanes. Utterly unable to go backwards too, or only very slow in zig-zags. Anything over about 2 tonnes GVW should pay very four figure road tax IMO 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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