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Posted

Was thinking those threads were great, I wrote 14pages more the other night. If I wrote down all the fucked up shit I do to get manic, stay manic, get randy, get high, get enlightened, get crazy I could have the basis for a book soon, covering my life from 17 to now. I've done some right old stuff I tell you, mostly alone to :) Tugging every string I had.

 

Getting it down again is the first step then sexing it up with some decent langauge and detail.

 

Posted
Getting sectioned these days is quite an achievement in itself, due to the relative lack of psychiatric beds- result Dave! ;D

 

 

Gives me atleast 20pages for a book too. That's really the only positive. I wrote it all down too while I was there. About 200 bullit points showing what an utter waste of time it was.

Posted

I almost got out the first night Bruce. I was "resistive", first job after about 5 of them got off me was smashing the window with a chair after menancing the staff with it, I was ready to kill. I felt no pain, they could chop my arms off I'd still bite the fuckers ears off.

 

I then had about 5 attempts at running through the doors. They failed. I noted they were designed to open the other way, I gave it good go, my finger is still bust, my legs were covered in bruises and scars, put my back out.

 

Next job was to set off the fire alarms by ripping off the wall fitting and shorting the wires out. That worked but the place was in lock-down. It was a secure place :)

 

Next task after the staff decided to keep a distance cause I told them I was gonna chew their ears off and stick my fingers into their eyes, that was to manually open the fire-door, involved kicking the fuck out the electric box that locked it, then rewiring it, 4 wires ya. The door opened and I got outside to be confronted with a 30foot wire fence. I got about 20feet up it before falling down, no worries but couldn't escape, cornered. I pumped my cycle shoes into the one guys leg and took him down but I couldn't get past the others. At that point they'd found some bigger guys to sit on me, I was tiring, I decided to give in.

 

I just didn't like being caged, that's all. Out of order sure, the case worker came round last week and chuckled at how laid back I was, thought she'd got the wrong notes after reading about it; I didn't ask for it, I was in fight mode, flight mode, 2 basic mental processes. I'd have bombed the next day anyway, I was peaked out.

Good job i'd been awake for 5 days, dropped 5 kilos and was worn out, on current form I could do some proper damage, I was on adrenaline only at that time.

 

Guy who worked there every night was amazed the next night that I was laid back reading a book and watching TV. From full psychotic to easy-rider in 24hrs. Fact is, I was easy-rider before they put me into that place without my consent. Soon as the door closed I was off, psycho-boy.

Posted

im impressed i didnt manage to get that far, i just managed to wind up the shrinks by questioning the theories they were using to try and justify their views. They were puppets taught to preach from textbooks rather than to listen to the actual problem.

 

I believe that all these issues can be controlled by the mind itself, no drugs needed, no need to shout from the rooftops or talk to someone preaching crap.

 

I hear it all the time at work, high preasure buisness, major stress, peeps going off all the time with depression or stress. You can always tell the ones who actually are, they dont shout it out, they are quite happy to talk about it, but no labeling of themselves. Those that label are the ones who are playing the system.

 

I thrive on the stress at work i love it, but accumulate that with a whole host of personal life problems relationship breakups and people dieing a slow painfull death around you and it will push you over the edge. I still have the letter from the procurator fiscal saying they were dropping all charges off me for driving without insurance or a licence due to the fact i was not in a fit state of mind at the time of the offences. In fact i had it on my wall for a long time.

 

Im a very cheery happy person, people who know the ins and outs struggle to comprehend how i could attempt to give up on it all, the problems dont go away, the mind just learns to deal with it and control it. Which is i have found out a lot better way of living than on stupid tablets which make you like dopey from the seven dwarfs and then hyper when you take the pill. Stunts mental growth and life.

 

The car is my sanctuary, its where i chill and relax, the accident fucked me up again cause the one thing i loved and chilled doing and then hatted and didnt want to do anymore. I was a lost puppy.

 

 

anyway too deep for me, im off to get smashed on polish vodka....

Posted

Fit state of mind, whats that lol, someones concept of social cognitives  ;D You'll see what a fit state of mind is if the electric goes off, disease, pandemics, etc etc.

 

If there was more entertainment at these places I'd gladly go back for a holiday, just turn up acting manic. It was a great part of lifes experience/s.

 

Getting out in the garage today has done more good than a pill would honestly. It's getting on with it, innit.

 

2hrs sleep last night helped. Oddly I'm flying this evening. Not at all tired ;D Resetting my clock, oversleeping had slowed me down. Have to watch out for over doing it though.

 

Even applied for a job earlier, bit overqualified though really but it's handy work. Could be a test of mental strength, see how long I can deal with it. It's been a LONG time since I was employed. I might be able to handle it thesedays, switch off, tune in, cop out for a bit. Could be back in the rentals at Nurburgring before you know it.

Posted

whole lot of crap going on with that buisness at the moment according to my belgian contacts (they ring every weekend), the rental guys are in a serious huff with the new owners of the ring taking the piss.

Posted

Society is just an amalgam of social cognitives- weighted toward what is felt to be a reasonable compromise. What on-going follow-up services are you offered by the community mental health team? I don't mean medication specifics, but councilling/talking therapies? Surely that's a more promising route?  :)

 

Posted

Plenty, I've been talking alot, sadly talking doesn't fix the problem itself, so there's not much point in it, I talk then feel just the same after, it's talking; it's not engineering or problem solving, it's talking, it's not effecting anything other than your jaw bone muscles and tiring you out? Helps you sleep I guess if you talk enough. Problem is the crushing effects of winter lows.

 

Gonna see a specialist on Tuesday.

 

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